A few Christmas Eves ago, Nicola Slawson was very drunk. The United Kingdom-based author had spent the previous Christmas with her ex and was trying to bury those memories.
“I was going through a heart attack and I don’t think I handled it very well,” says Slauson, who writes Single supplementA newsletter for single women, and has written a forthcoming book, “Single: Living life to the fullest on your own terms.”
“I’m a big fan of Christmas in general,” Slawson says. “I woke up early. I was the one who put on Christmas music and danced and sang and brought the Christmas spirit. And instead, I basically didn’t stay alive until 5 p.m., which was embarrassing and I regret it.”
The first holiday season as a newly single person can be emotional, especially if your ex attended the previous year’s festivities. If you’re excited about your upcoming family holiday party, it can be tempting to make the same mistake Slawson did and overindulge.
But there are better ways to handle the holidays. By making some light preparations you can mentally equip yourself to handle any emotions and questions with grace.
1. Craft responses in advance
If you know questions about your ex will upset you, it helps to plan some answers ahead of time, says Lisa Marie Bobby, relationship psychologist and founder of Growing Self Counseling and Coaching in Denver.
“If you’re afraid of bursting into tears when your well-meaning cousin asks, ‘What happened with Timmy?'” she says, “you can prepare a graceful response in advance.” “Practice these situations with a friend or even in front of a mirror.”
She gives the following script as an example: “It was a tough decision, but right now I’m really focusing on myself and I’d love to hear something new with you.”
2. Recruiting assistance
You don’t have to face this unpleasant situation alone.
“Before going, connect with a trusted family member or friend who can help redirect conversations or provide a safe place if things get overwhelming,” says Bobby.
Having someone to bounce questions or talk to can help you feel supported. Even if you don’t need their help, knowing you have an ally can make you feel more at ease.
3. Be honest
You can try to deflect questions about your ex with humor, Slawson says, but sometimes letting people know you’re having a hard time is the most effective way to shut down discussions about a past relationship.
“We sometimes tell white lies to get out of a slightly uncomfortable situation,” he says. “But it’s also okay to say, ‘That’s not what I want to talk about. Let’s talk about X, Y and Z instead’.”
4. ‘Grace Yourself’
It’s perfectly fine to have a shorter holiday. “Give yourself grace,” Bobby says. “Navigating a major life transition during the holidays is no small feat.”
If she hadn’t put so much pressure on herself to appear “jolly,” Slawson says, she wouldn’t have consumed so much on Christmas Eve.
“It was very difficult for me, and I thought I was going to have fun with my friends on Christmas Eve,” he says. “If I had been a little kinder to myself, I could have said, ‘It’s okay not to have fun.’ You don’t have to force it and put on a brave face and pretend you’re fine.
Ready to boost your income and career? Don’t miss our special Black Friday offer: 55% off all Smarter from CNBC Make It Online Courses. Learn how to earn passive income online, master your finances, ace your job interview and salary negotiations, and become an effective communicator. Use coupon code Thank you 24 To get the best deal of the season—offer valid 11/25/24 through 12/2/24.
In addition, Sign up for the CNBC Make It newsletter Get tips and tricks for success at work, with money and in life.
