Also Happy couples Face conflict. But they are fighting a lot about what is missing in a relationship.
A A psychologist who study the coupleI found that there are some kind of things. And the first step to solve conflicts is to know what those things are.
According to A Yeavo Based on a survey of 1,000 American adults, and based on my research, here are the most common reasons for the couple to fight – and the psychology of everyone.
1. Vowel of sound or behavior
Sour tone or behavior-grown voice, irony comment, eye-roll mid-dialogue-a common reason for fighting. For the person who displays it, it does not seem to be a big thing. But for a partner at the receiving edge, it strikes a straight nerve because it symbolizes contempt.
In the marital ResearchWitch. One of the most reliable forecasts of the way is one. Unlike exposed criticism or stones (emotionally shutting down), rejection disguises with oral gestures and body language.
How to move behind it: Resist the urge to hit again. Fighting a fire with a fire never works, so try to name the effect: “That’s too empty. Can we try again?” This gives your spouse a course-to-proof, and it does not immediately increase things.
If you are delivering the vowel, check with you before telling more. Are you not hearing? Disappointment? Excessive? Identifying a contempt of contempt is the first step to express yourself without hurting a relationship.
2. Family Relationships
Arguments about family relationships reflect basic misconceptions and irregular needs.
A partner may not be supported or aside, especially if their spouse is defaulted to protect the family part. In cases involving children, arguments usually boil to the value of conflicts – where each partner assumes that the beliefs of their main parents are being dismissed.
No partner in these situations is “ok” or “wrong”. In fact, they are more likely to find the same thing: those who are on their side.
How to move behind it: The best place to start is to reassure each other. For example: “I love my family, but you are still my partner. How can we find a solution to meet our needs and values?”
Then talk about your limitations as a team: what to do when crossing a line, or how to show solidarity in front of others (even if you do not agree to privately).
3. Homework
Arguments about chores – people often think that the dishes that are left in the sink, lifting a pile of laundry, are never extracted. But if that is true, these issues are quickly solved with a simple work list.
Instead, the real problem is the uneven distribution of workers. According to ResearchA partner in a relationship usually shoulder the majority of domestic work. But they are not just folding out clothes and not cooking the ALS, they are also managing appointments, organizing bills and keeping mental tabs on everyone’s well -being but their own.
This “invisible burden” is often unknown, and the lack of recognition usually begins to fight.
How to move behind it: This functionality is often changed if the load is named out loud. “I didn’t know how much you were holding, thank you.”
From there, work together to redistribute tasks in a way that feels sustainable. Legitimacy does not look like a 50/50 partition every day, but you should feel like they are in hand.
4. Communication styles
This is one of the trickist arguments to navigate. In many cases, by the time the couple argues How They talk to each other, the original issue is already lost in translation.
For example, a partner is upset about the unjust delivery of a housekeeper, or they are disappointed with how their son -in -law treats them. But when these concerns are raised, Research When someone else is ineffective with them, they can quickly get out of the rails – or by hostility.
If the conversation is undergoing defensive, criticism or stone, the fight will change its attention from the initial issue. Instead, it becomes a matter of how poor the conversation is going on.
How to move behind it: A simple strategy used by a successful couple is “Five second rule“: They have a designated word or phrase:” We are curly, time to be. “It offers a more needed break without a stormy negative effect.
When you go back to the conversation, try to look at the eye before continuing to circulate your grievances: “I want to understand why you are upset, and I want you to understand the same way to me. You share on your side, then I share mine.”
Mark TraversPhD, a psychologist who specializes in relationships. He has graduated from Cornell University and Colorado Boulder University. He is an important psychologist WarningTelehealth Company, which provides online psychotherapy, consultation and training. He is the supervisor of a popular mental health and well -being website, Therapitips.rg.
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